Tuesday, January 08, 2008

My nasty, dirty little secret

I have a dirty little secret... a few months after I stopped breastfeeding, I took up smoking again. At first it was a social thing (which started, of all places, at a mummy dinner where another mum who had continually smoked all through her pregnancies offered me one), then it became a way to get some time-out on the back porch, and soon enough the horrible addiction had taken hold again. Yeah I was pretty disappointed at myself as it took so much effort to quit the last time, a few weeks before I got pregnant with Matilda.

I had my last cigarette at midnight on New Year's Eve. The few days after that in KL was pretty bad as everyone and their dog smokes, and cig's are cheap as chips.

Well, I will never call myself a non-smoker. I'm an ex-smoker. Like a recovering alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, you know? It would be so easy to be a smoker again, but it's dealing with one craving at a time. Nicotine lozenges help a lot too. When I'm thinking I can't bear it anymore, I just want one (but with me it's not just one, as soon as I have one I think "what the heck I've already fallen off the wagon I'll just have another, and another and another..."), sucking a lozenge gets me over the hump and pretty soon I'm fine again. That, and lots and lots of water. Try to avoid the food distraction too!

The thing is too, I have never been heavier and more unhealthy. I weigh more now that I weighed even when 9 months pregnant! I can't do any exercise when I'm smoking, I just get so puffed out. Most people say they gain weight when they quit smoking, but for me in the past it's been the other way around! I have more energy to exercise (swim laps) and all round am a healthier person. Roy has agreed to do bedtime duties so that I can start going to the pool again in the evenings.

The "smoke-free" ticker is based on a conservative 10 cig's a day and $15/pack. Amazing how it all adds up isn't it! Methinks the money saved should be diverted to a yarn stash fund... or better still Matilda's ejumication fund ;)

Wish me luck :)

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